That one time God found me on my knees…
…crying for Him.
I was in a relationship (that turned into an engagement) with my children’s father for about 4 years. The relationship was filled with ups and downs. Not all times were bad. There were some good times as well. But honestly, I got to a point when I started realizing the bad was outweighing the good. I became extremely sad and often felt alone and started to ask myself “Why am I here? What am I fighting for?” Mind you, our twin boys were 1 at the time. But still, what was I really fighting for? Because I knew deep down inside something wasn’t right. I was starting to lose myself while raising 2 babies.
One night, I was at our apartment alone and I was in my sons’ room. While I was rocking them to sleep, I kept telling myself “Just hold it in Kay. You can’t break down just yet. You got to get these babies to sleep first.” As soon as I put them in their cribs something told me to get on my knees, cry, and pray and that’s what I did. Although I don’t remember exactly what I said I do remember asking God to help me because I was extremely unhappy, and I didn’t want to be in my situation anymore. Of course, I had many moments when I thought about sticking it out for the sake of our children so they could be raised in a 2-parent household, which was something I was used to. I wanted to fight for my family but most of the time, I was the only one fighting.
Back to the prayer. I remember telling God, “God, please help me. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m not happy. But if I am supposed to be here, if you want me here please give me a sign.” From that day on, things started to get progressively worse. I ended up breaking up with him and calling the engagement off. We were done for good. I learned a few lessons that night.
God is always there especially when you are alone.
God hears you, so be very specific in your prayers.
You deserve to be happy, and you don’t have to stay in a situation just because you share kids with someone.
Your kids deserve a happy Mom and Dad, even if that means Mom and Dad aren’t going to be together anymore. Sometimes Mom and Dad are better apart and that’s okay too.
That night was the beginning of me and God’s relationship.
Special shoutout to my parents! One thing my parents ALWAYS told me was “You can always come home” and that’s what I did. A month later me and my sons moved in with my Mom and Dad. Not many people are blessed to have an opportunity to go back home when times get tough. I am one blessed woman.